Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Ketchup is God's man juice
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
