Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
This is the high leading the old right now
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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