i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
