All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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