Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
