i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm at about main and main street
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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