the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
