The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
A+ Viking dick
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
