then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
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next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
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The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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