i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
she told me i tasted like america
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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