What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Drunk is a universal language darling
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