All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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