Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
