My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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