we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
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And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
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Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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