My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?