I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
