We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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