She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
