He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
