Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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