im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Blood and glitter go together right?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
