I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
