we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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