they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
