I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
