i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i out mim tonsoeep
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
