I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
