My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
