i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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