Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
