i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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