Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
