got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
