As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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