Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
