I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
