my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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