Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Randomize