Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
