my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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