We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
