Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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