I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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