my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
