im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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