I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
