We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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