Its about making memories worth repressing
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
