Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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