if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
