i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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