this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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