yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You pole danced in your parka.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
