he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
