oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
