Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
