So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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