i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You need a sexual gate keeper
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
