We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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