SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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