so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
