what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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