Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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