Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
