there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
