Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Please, let me fuck your mom
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
