I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
