You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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