I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
