Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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