I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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