sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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